Editor’s Note – All articles featured in The Chomicle are creative, satirical, and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.
In response to student protests, the Duke Global Education Office has announced further modifications to the study abroad program, with a new directive to dispatch all junior participants to Kuwait.
The office candidly expressed, “When we limited program capacity to 50 students earlier this year, the backlash was deafening. Dealing with the situation became incredibly tedious.” Consequently, the decision was made to send all juniors to Kuwait as a bold response. The rationale behind this move was succinctly summarized as, “Why not?”
Furthermore, it was underscored that no provisions for accommodations or housing will be arranged, requiring each junior to fend for themselves. The Global Education Office humorously likened this arrangement to “Operation Desert Storm 2.0,” with a nod to the purported success of the original operation.
Reactions among students have been varied. Glob Alwarming, a junior finance major interning at Goldman-Sachs, expressed enthusiasm, stating, “I am genuinely excited about this development. As someone deeply interested in fracking, this hands-on experience is invaluable.”
Conversely, sophomore Ine Fluencer, who had planned to study abroad in Copenhagen, voiced discontent. She lamented, “This decision will significantly diminish the aesthetic appeal of my Instagram feed. My father always used to say, ‘If you’re not here to win, get the hell out of Kuwait.’ Unfortunately, I do not perceive myself as a victor in this scenario.”
In a whimsical twist, descendants of Saddam Hussein have humorously declared intentions to inundate Kuwait with a sizable influx of uninformed 20-year-olds this autumn.
Editor’s Note: Happy April Fools’ Day! This article was crafted for our satirical publication, The Chomicle, designed to elicit laughter, or perhaps a few tears.
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